|
|
| Funny Golf Stories |
A wealthy businessman
A wealthy businessman, who was a notorious
cheater when playing his beloved sport of golf, died and went straight
to Hell. When he got to Hell, he was surprised to find himself on
a golf course with well-manicured greens and the weather so perfectly
cool and clear that it did not seem like Hell at all. At the first
tee, he was greeted by Satan himself who gave him a complete set of
golf clubs made of gold in a genuine leather bag with a golf tee also
made out of gold.
Satan said,
"You will spend an eternity here just playing golf to your heart's
content."
The golfing enthusiast
was so overjoyed that he took the leather bag full of golf clubs and
set the golf tee in place only to find out that there were no golf
balls around.
He said to Satan,
"Hey what's the idea? Where are the frigging golf balls?"
Grinning widely, Satan handed
the golfer a golf ball the size of a basketball and said, "Welcome
to Hell!" |
Another perfect par
A retired gentleman spent most afternoons
at the local golf course. Every day he would spend about three hours
out on the course, playing a round by himself. When he would return
to the clubhouse, the resident pro would inquire about his score.
"Ed, how'd you shoot today?"
to which the man would always reply, "Another perfect par."
The golf pro (being of average
intelligence) knew that there was no way the old man was shooting
straight par every day. But since he was a regular customer, he didn't
want to insult the man by accusing him of lying.
Finally,
one day, the pro decided to accompany the old man on his daily round,
just to see for himself.
On the
first tee, the older gentleman sliced the ball way off into the rough.
He found his ball, but his second shot was even worse. Finally, putting
it into the first hole (a par 4) took him 8 swings.
The
golf pro thought to himself, "I knew it! This guy's been lying
all this time. There is no way he is gonna shoot anywhere NEAR par."
They continued on, and the old
man's game stayed the same, never once getting a par on any one hole.
After almost 3 hours, they teed off on the 13th hole. The old man
actually hit it straight down the middle -- It was the best shot he
had made all day! He promptly walked down the fairway to his ball,
picked it up, and began walking back to the clubhouse.
The pro was confused. "Hey, that was
a great shot! Where are you going now?"
"Oh,
I'm done," the old man replied with a smile. "That shot
was number 72 . . . another perfect par!" |
Hack Golfer
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush
country club, playing golf & enjoying the luxury of a complimentary
caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the
18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks
at the caddy and says, "I've played so poorly all day, I think
I'm going to go drown myself in that lake."
The caddy looks back at him and says, "I don't think you can
keep your head down that long." |
Two Retired Men
Two retired men were sitting in the bar
at their local golf club, after an appauling round, in rainy, cold
miserable conditions, with a pint of beer each.
"That was awful today," said the first man, staring at the
table through his pint glass.
"Yeah,
it was the worst I've ever played," replied the second.
"I wonder, do you think they have
golf in heaven? I hope so. Just imagine it, the lush rolling hills,
crystal clear lakes, immaculate greens, perfect conditions for golf.
A heavenly course."
The second
man looked at him, and thought for a moment. After a minute or so,
he spoke.
"Well, my sister
is a psychic. We could get her to make contact with some people in
heaven, find out about the facilities."
"Great," exclaimed the first man.
"Well," continued the second man, "I'll find out, and
I'll talk to you next Sunday when we play."
***The Next Week***
"So, did you speak to your sister?"
"I sure did, and she managed to get in touch with a few folks
up in heaven", said the second man. "However, there's good
news, and, I'm afraid, there's bad news."
"Well, tell me the good news first," said the first man.
"The good news is that there is awesome golf courses in heaven,
just as we invisaged it. lush hills, crystal clear lakes, the lot."
"..and the bad news?" said the first man, his voice more
hesitant
"The bad news is, you're off the first tee 9am tomorrow morning." |
FORE
A guy was playing golf at this fancy club,
and just as he was about to tee off, a cart drives up. These two guys
get out and hand him a note saying, "We are deaf. May we play
through?"
The guy says, "Hell, no!" and tees off anyway.
Six shots later, he is on the green about to putt when a ball comes
out of nowhere and misses his head by an inch. "What the @*%$?!"
he yells.
The deaf guys drive up and hand him a note. On the note is written,
"FORE!" |
Pope & Netanyahu
The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss
a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your
Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to
challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical
spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf
club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?"
he asked.
"None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But,"
he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer
who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then
ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In
addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the
match."
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course,
Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match,
Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result.
"I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness, "
said the golfer. "Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus,"
said the Pope.
"Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've
played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the
best I have ever played, by far. I must've been inspired from above.
My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful,
and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly
miraculous.
"There's bad news?" the Pope asked.
"Yes," Nicklaus sighed. "I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods
by three strokes." |
Man & Cow
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a
five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor
asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having
a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into
a pasture of cows."
"We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed
one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over
and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf
ball....stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I
made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks
like yours!'"
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
